Death and Diarys
by OhMyGoshsickles
Summary: Everybody mourned the day Koharu Ishimaru was killed in an auto accident. But life goes on. For the host club, and for the school. But when Hikaru and Kaoru find someones diary, it seems that someone else's heart stopped the instant Koharu's did.
1. Prolouge

Classes were called off the day after Koharu Ishimaru was killed in a car accident.

Haruhi had wondered why everyone looked so sad. Instead of a flurry of yellow dresses and blue suits all in a rush to get to class, there was an almost eerie silence as the students shuffled down the hall.

Just as she decided that she was going to ask someone what was going on, she spotted the Twin's muttering to each other by a window.

"Hey! Hikaru! Kaoru!" She called.

They jumped as her voice echoed through the hallway, and disrupted the silence. They shifted uncomfortably. "Haruhi, now's not really the time to be so exuberant, you know?" Kaoru said.

"It could be considered rude." Hikaru added.

Haruhi frowned. "What's rude? What's going on with every one?" She didn't particularly enjoy being out of the loop.

Both of the Twin's eyes widened, "You mean you don't know? It was all over the news last night."

Haruhi thought back, she hadn't watched the news last night; she had been studying for a Math test. "No, I don't know. What happened?"

Kaoru made a sad face, and looked away, so Hikaru spoke instead. "Class 3-A's Koharu Ishimaru was killed in an auto accident last night."

Haruhi was shocked. "Oh… That's so sad." Most people don't know what to say when they hear of the death of another. This is especially so, if they didn't really know the person. Haruhi's response was normal for people in her situation.

Kaoru nodded. "Every one's really torn up about it. Especially Hunny, I saw him earlier, and he's been bawling all morning. He said that they were good friends." He sighed. "The chairman's going to give a speech over the PA system, then were excused for the rest of the day. They said that the libraries and the tech lab are still going to be open all day though, for students who want to use them. Ishimaru's teachers are going to be down on the field, they're lighting candles and taking turns talking about her, some of the kids are too. Tono said that club is closed today, and we're expected to go down there and light a candle for her. She was a regular costumer you know."

_Ah_. Haruhi was finally able to put a face to the girl.

She had been a regular of Hunny's, so they hadn't talked much. But Haruhi had remembered her to be a cheerful girl, who had been well liked by her peers. She was a dark tan, and her eyes were the color of melting chocolate. At the tiny stature of 5'2, she curved nicely, and her hair was cut in a shiny black bob. She was very pretty, Haruhi remembered, and very motherly. She called everyone adorable, even Tamaki, who most fan-girls just called handsome.

Now that she could recall her, the loss seemed ever rougher. It was no wonder everyone was sad.

"Student's of Ouran, as I sure most of you know by now that we have suffered a terrible loss." The chairman's somber voice rumbled.

"Oh! He's starting!" Hikaru had unconsciously reached out and gripped Haruhi's sleeve, and he stared at the speaker on the ceiling as if he could see the chairmen through it.

_Like a little boy_, Haruhi thought, smiling softly. Koharu had called the twins, 'an enchanting pair', and they seemed to have grown some sort of attachment to her. She was just easy to love.

"Koharu Ishimaru from High School class 3-A was a girl who was very beloved by students and teachers all around. She was a straight 'A' student, a cheerful companion, and always enthusiastic when helping others. She will be missed, and we are holding a candle lighting ceremony this afternoon to honor her. Her cousin, Ayumu Ishimaru, from class 1-A, will return to Ouran in a week's time. We mourn her loss."

Haruhi started at the mention of her class. Ayumu Ishimaru was a quiet girl whom Haruhi had never really talked to. She had never attended the Host Club, and always worked silently during class. Haruhi had always just assumed that it was just because she was absorbed in her work.

They had the same last name, and they looked a bit alike, but Haruhi had never felt the need to make the connection.

Where Koharu had been short and curvy, Ayumu was a lithe 5'9. They had the same tan skin, but Koharu's always seem to admit a sort of glow. Ayumu had the same charcoal colored hair, but hers was long and always in a plaited braid. It looked like her hairdresser had tried to cut layers in it, but cut them too short, so a few pieces hung out around her face. Koharu was bright and cheerful, open with everyone. Ayumu kept to herself, a bit of a loner.

"Haruhi?" Hikaru nudged her. "Come on, lets go light a candle with the rest of them."

_**~≈†≈~**_

After two days, things had returned to normal. Some of the third years were still moping around, but that was really only Ishimaru's closest friends.

The only really odd thing was that her cousin, Ayumu Ishimaru, had come back to school three days earlier than normal. People came over and said good things about Koharu, and how if there was anything they could do, just let them know. A few people told her how brave she was for coming back to school so quickly. Haruhi wondered if it was just because she wasn't very close to Koharu. The Twins didn't wonder about it at all.

A few days later, Hikaru had forgotten his bag in the classroom after school, and so they had gone back to get it, when they saw a small leather bound book sitting on a desk.

"What's this?" Hikaru grinned.

"Kaoru grinned back, "A diary maybe? Let's take a look-see. Shall we?" He picked up the book, and flipped to the first page. They're un-even shreds in the binding, where it looked like a large chunk of pages had been ripped out. Kaoru looked at it curiously, and then started to read it aloud. "I want-" His grin slid off his face.

"What is it?" Hikaru moved behind Kaoru to better see the writing. He breathed in surprise.

_I want to die.

* * *

_

_ARGH! I'm sure some of you have noticed that I've gone on a bit of an updating spree. If you've noticed this, you've proabably also noticed that all my up-dating has been for NEW STORIES! I'm just creating more freaking work for myself! I swear, I love my mind, I just wish it would cooperate with me sometimes. _

_Ah, on too talking about this story. As you might have noticed, this is just the prologue, so the next chapter with probably be longer. No promises though. Seriously, don't hold me too that. This is going to be written in third person for the most part, but I'm going to be doing this in a rather confusing way I think. Then again, it might be seriously simple. You never know with me. I WILL update the next chapter quickly though. Proms. (You probably shouldn't hold that to me either...)  
_

_So, as you can see, once I try to lay off the depressing stuff, and write some good old-fashion Humor/Romance fics, it get's all bottled up and someone dies. It appears that I have a thing for killing my OC's. I also have a thing for killing them before the fics even started. Take I Spy for example. Actually, don't, because I haven't re-written that yet. So you can take it as an example as soon as I do. 'Kay? I'm actually hoping that this might inspire me to get working on that. ;] Good luck with that, eh?_

_Oh, I almost forgot to mention, RIP Austin Cook. Writing this made me remember him, and the candle lighting memorial service was something my school did. He was a grade younger than me, and I didn't know him well, but I remember him from my 3rd/4th grade split class. For more information, Google 'Austin Cook John Muir Middle School 2007' _

_Which totally reminds me... I start High School in a week AHH!! :O  
_

_Please alert and review, it makes a review whore like me happy._

_Write on man, write on!_

_-OhMyGoshsickels  
_


	2. Gone

_I want to die. _

Hikaru and Kaoru exchanged a glance. Kaoru moved so that he could sit comfortably on top of a desk, and started to read again.

"_I want to die, but I'm too afraid. I tell myself that it's because Koharu wouldn't want me too. And she wouldn't. But Lord, I want too. What's the point of living if she isn't here with me?_

"_Nobody understands my way of thinking. They can't wrap their heads around the bond we share. It's not 'best friends'; it's not 'siblings'. Best friends are people that fade with time, and siblings are people that you feud with. We never fought, we never faded. We were two parts of the same whole. Like twins, like clones. Two puzzle pieces that didn't look anything alike until you put them side-by-side. _

"_I can't believe it, but she's gone. She isn't here. I don't have anyone to instantly pick up on my emotions. I don't have anyone to braid my hair in ridiculous manners, laughing the whole time. I don't have anyone who'll love me just because. Someone who will tell me so, constantly, and with out hesitation. She's gone. And no one understands, and I want her back. I want someone to love."_

Kaoru flipped the page, and had a feeling that he knew who the diary belonged to.

"_I've come back three days earlier than promised. Everyone is telling me that I'm so brave, and they want to talk to me about her. I don't want to talk. I won't talk actually. It's not necessary. I'll only speak when spoken too and not even really then. They assume I'm still grieving, that I'll open up in time. But I won't, I won't stop grieving and I won't open up. Why would I? In my silence, I can preserve our last conversation. It was nothing special, but it means the world. _

"_I'm showing them all that I'm fine, and then eventually I know they'll leave me alone. I won't cry. I won't scream. I'll keep getting good grades, and they won't know a thing. Then I can retreat inside myself and be isolated. I'll be fine._

"_Haninozuka Senpai came up to me and said that I should join him for lunch, and we could talk about her. I nodded, but I didn't go. Previously, this would have made me feel guilty, and I half expected too then. But I didn't, because you have to have a heart to feel guilt, and I don't have a heart anymore. I gave it to Koharu, and she forgot to give it back. _

"_She talked about Haninozuka Senpai sometimes. She always called him, 'a precious little doll'. Sometimes it was changed too, 'a little lamb', or, 'a tiny bun'. It didn't matter. She always thought everyone was cute. Even me. She called me Puzzles, because we fit so well. She called me cute and she meant it. All I've ever been called was, 'Mature', and 'Studious'. But she thought I was cute. It's crazy. It doesn't make any sense._

"_I want to cry, but I keep my precious silence."_

Kaoru looked up to mention the dairy's owner to Hikaru, but by the look in his eyes, Hikaru had already guessed.

Kaoru turned to the next entry.

"_I was doing, so, so well. My parents had decided to leave me alone, my friends from the swim team, (which I promptly quit, I had only joined to stop my mother from getting me a personal trainer), had decided they would let me be, and my teachers stopped sending me sympathetic glances. _

"_But then I did something stupid. I ruined it all. _

"_In short, I checked my email._

"_Not a big deal for most. But I hadn't gotten on the computer sense Koharu's accident, and I needed to look something up for school. Out of habit, I checked my email first._

"_Waiting for me, was an email from Koharu. She had sent it the day before she died. It wasn't anything really, all it said was, 'I found this really funny video, you should check it out. ;D' At that point, every thing got really bright and fuzzy, and I can't remember anything, but the maids told me they found me when they heard my screaming. _

"_Apparently, I had fallen out of my chair, and I was screaming and crying and my eyes were rolling around in my head. I was clawing at my skin, and thrashing around, and they thought I was having some sort of seizure, so they brought me to the hospital. That's where I woke up, and the doctor told me that I was 'emotionally unstable' and that I had had a stress related fit. He recommend going to a psychiatric doctor. Basically, a shrink. And I had no intention of going at all, but apparently he told my parents the same thing. _

"_That's how I met Dr. Chiba. _

"_I automatically trusted him. I've always inexplicably trusted handsome men. Koharu did it too. Maybe that's why she always went to the Host Club. Then again, she trusted everyone. She was so naïve. _

"_But do you know what they say about first impressions? Well they were right. Except my second impression was only a few seconds later, when he first spoke to me. _

"_Let's free you from Koharu, you'll feel better." He said_

"_Free me from her, like she was some illness! The nerve of him. What a bastard. _

"_A bastard. Koharu always disliked it when I cursed. She would hold my face in her hands and say, "Now, now, Puzzles, wouldn't want my reflection using sour language. It will give me bad rep." Then she kissed my nose. Sour language, she always said odd things. She talked in her own language. She was so passionate about everything. I was never passionate about anything. Her name fit her perfectly. Koharu, written with the kanji for 'little', and 'spring time'. It was a suitable name for a fairy, and she reflected it in everyway. Then there's me, Ayumu. Written with the kanji for 'walk'. Plain and simple, there's nothing there. She said that it was a name of freedom. I disagree; it's almost equivalent to 'wander'. Destined to wander through life. I guess that's better than what I'm doing now. I'm floating. I'm nowhere._

"_She wanted to go out and meet people, to see and feel the world in the best way she could. "And your coming with me Puzzles." She always added. "I'm dragging you along whether you want to or not." _

"_I didn't care. There isn't anything I'm good at. I don't want to do anything. I wanted to stay with Koharu as long as I could. Until she was snatched away by some loving boyfriend. It was inevitable. She always said she wouldn't leave me. She was always so bad at keeping her promises."_

Kaoru stopped reading there. "Let's take this home. In case she comes looking for it."

Hikaru nodded, deeply perplexed.

_**~≈†≈~**_

They had gone home and made photocopies of all the pages that she had written in, and come to school the next day with the secret plan of telling her the equivalent of, "Buck up, kid. Life isn't as bad as you say". Because even though it was obvious that she was in a deep depression, by the way she wrote, there had to be _something_ left to salvage.

Ayumu's head was down as Hikaru approached her desk, and he tapped the book against her hand. She glanced up at him.

"I found your notebook." He said, feigning confidence. "I thought it might get stolen if I left it here. So… here." He dropped it on her desk and hurried off.

"Why didn't you say anything?" Kaoru asked.

"Did you see her eyes?" Hikaru seemed unsettled.

Kaoru shook his head quizzically.

"They were so… dead. There wasn't anything there. Just like she said."

Kaoru frowned, and Hikaru shook it head, trying to forget his discomfort. "Come on, it doesn't matter. Let's go." He walked toward their desks, and, to Kaoru's surprise, Hikaru grabbed hid hand and squeezed it. "Promise me, that if I ever die, you'll never look like that."

Kaoru smiled at Hikaru's back. "I promise. Besides, we're together so much, it's unlikely that we'll die at different times anyway."

They had been brought in to this world together, so it was inevitable that they would be taken out of it together too, right?

Right?

**_~≈†≈~_**

_One of the Hitachiin brothers returned you to me today. They might be one of the few people who might understand what I'm feeling. But I don't know. _

_As he was walking away, he said something about my eyes to his brother. I always used to get complements on them, I never really understood why. Because they're unusual I guess. Not very attractive. Just the color or mustard with some specks of dirt thrown in it. I don't think he was paying me a complement though. He looked afraid. I wonder what he sees. _

_The other twin said something ironic though. He said, "That's okay, because we'll die together." Or something like that._

_Koharu had said that to me too._

_Sometimes, things don't go as planned.

* * *

_

**I hope this shows you what I meant by, "Kind of in third person." Everytime I write for Ayumu, I really try to get emotion across, and not just, "Angst, angst, angst, this is Sasha writing angst, la, la la la, laaaa." So I hope I did a good job. -sweat-  
**

**On another note, Ayumu really is a sucky name. 'Walk' isn't really the big confidence booster that some one with already ground level self-esteem needs. Koharu is a pretty name though. This isn't really important, but both Ayumu and Koharu's last name, Ishimaru, is written with the kanji, 'round' and 'stone'. I just felt like mentioning that while I was on the topic I guess.**

**All the other characters are going to be incorperated soon! So no worries. Tamaki and Kyouya don't really have a big part in my mind right now though. So maybe I'll work on that. **

**I realize that Ayumu writes in fragments alot. That's just how she is. It a dairy, it's not supposed to be grammaticly correct. But trust me, it annoys my spell check just as much as it annoys you. I'm sure you'd get along swimmingly if you ever met in a crowded street. Until then, both of you need to forgive me.  
**

**Something else unimportant! The title of this story at first was going to be, "Death and Notebooks" But I was afraid that if I did that, it would pop up everytime someone typed in, "Death Note". Hmm... that actually might have helped publicity... But, you know, 'Death and Diary's' catchy-er.**

**Also, everytime I type 'Diary', I have to triple check that I didn't type 'Dairy' instead, because "Death and Dairy' doesn't sound like a very serious story. Maybe I should make a parody like that someday though. Hmmm. Milk. **

**Your reviews make a review whore happy.**

**-Sasha**

**(Maybe I should change my name to 'The Review Whore'. I'm sure I'd start some controversy. Fun.)**

**(By the way, that angst song is totally copywrited, so don't even try, bitchesss. ;])**


	3. Help

Hikaru and Kaoru continued to steal and photocopy Ayumu's diary every couple days, and Ayumu was none the wiser, for they always placed it back before she noticed.

Then, after the fourth time they had stolen it, they were caught.

Not by Ayumu, surprisingly, but by Haruhi.

It was right before another day of hosting, and the twins and Haruhi had walked in together, the twins laughing about something that Haruhi had messed up on.

"Quit it guys! I_ was_ paying attention! I just didn't hear her!" Haruhi cried in exasperation.

"Yeah, yeah, sure Haruhi." Both twins grinned and threw their bags on to the table. They both threw a bit to hard, and the bags went skidding across the table, and fell off of the other side. Papers scattered everywhere.

Completely forgetting the contents of their bags, they shrugged. "Pick those up, will you Haruhi? We have to go talk to Tono." They scampered off, having a good laugh at Haruhi's expense.

"You guys!" She fumed, and then went to pick up the bags. "Stupid rich bastards," She grumbled. "Acting like I'm their slave. I shouldn't have to pick up all their crap!" She bent down to pick up the papers, and looked at them curiously. They weren't in the twins writing, which wasn't really unusual, because they could have just been borrowed notes. But they looked a bit like diary entries, and she could pick out a few familiar names.

She frowned, "Why are these all about Koharu Senpai?" She ruffled through a few more, just catching snippets. "Oh wait… hey." She searched for a name, all the while mentally piecing things together. "I've come back three days earlier than promised." She read, mumbling. "A name, a name, a name. … no. Ah, here. Ayumu, walk." She scowled, and then lifted her head to glare at the twins. "You two! You have some explaining to do!"

The looked from her angry gaze to the papers in her hand, to each other, and then back to Haruhi. "What are you talking about Haruhi?" They said innocently.

"Don't give me that! This is a crime! This is theft!" She waved the papers in their faces.

Tamaki, who had been previously talking to the Twins before Haruhi had called them over, wondered what could be more important than a conversation with him, and quickly decided to join Haruhi's conversation to better avoid being left out of the loop. "What have these two doppelgangers done this time Haruhi? Was it something terribly awful? Should daddy punish them?"

"There's nothing _you_ can do Senpai." She glowered, cutting Tamaki to the core.

"Why did she say 'you' like that? Am I a failure as a father? Is that why Haruhi won't depend on me? Because I'm a failure and I can't do anything for her?" He moped.

Haruhi, ignoring this, turned back to the twins. "Why do you have these?"

Hikaru smirked. "They were given to us."

"Your such a liar. Diaries are something personal. It's where you write down your deepest thoughts and feelings! It's _not_ something that you share with strangers!"

"You talk so passionately about diaries Haruhi. Is it because you have a secret one hidden somewhere?"

This caught Tamaki's attention. "Is this true Haruhi? Can daddy see it? Daddy wants to see all the things his daughter writes about him!" His eyes sparkled.

"No, I don't. And if I did, you probably wouldn't Sempai."

"Wha- what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing. Now listen, you still haven't answered my question Hikaru."

Kaoru stepped in. "Listen Haruhi, we just wanted to help." He knew that she held him in a bit higher regard than she held his brother.

She looked at him suspiciously. "Really."

He nodded, a sweat drop trailing down his head. "Uh huh." He said nervously. "Ayumu accidentally left it in the class room one day and so we picked it up and returned it to her."

"After reading it." Haruhi interjected.

"Well, yeah. But we made photocopies of the pages so we could keep them, and then we noticed that everyday right after school ended, she would go to the library and set her bag down but she wouldn't study. She would just disappear into the shelves at the back for a while. So we figured it was the perfect opportunity to see if she had gotten better of worse… We used the library copy machine that time. And so now, it's kind of become a habit." He scratched the back of his head.

"But she hasn't gotten any better. She pushed everyone away and now every ones leaving her alone. She's gotten worse actually." Hikaru added.

"What's this? A fair maiden needs my help?" Tamaki's ears pricked.

"_Oh no."_ Haruhi thought, _"If _he_ gets into this then there's no hope."_

"Depression is a serious thing Tamaki. She should consult a doctor." Said a voice from behind Haruhi.

She turned. "Huh? How long have you been here Kyoya Senpai?"

His glasses glinted. "I've been standing here the whole time, Haruhi. I'm a bit insulted that you didn't notice."

"Oh…"

"But as I was saying, you shouldn't get in to things that you can't handle Tamaki. If she really needs help then she could be taken to a professional."

The twins grinned. "She does goes to a Doctor. But hates him, she refuses to talk." They knew they had won.

"That's it then!" Tamaki cried. "We must help a maiden in need! Kyoya, make copies off those papers for the rest of us! We must read them and absorb her sorrow!"

Haruhi and Kyoya sighed, and Kyoya took the papers. Haruhi felt bad for Ayumu, but she didn't think the girl would appreciate people sticking their noses in to her business.

Hunny and Mori walked through the door. "We're sorry we're late!" Hunny chirped. "What are you all doing huddled in a circle like that?"

Haruhi sighed. "Don't even bother Hunny Senpai. They're just doing what they always do."

"So we're going to go on an adventure again?"

"…If you really want to call it that."

* * *

**Sorry, this chapter is really just a bridge to get to the next chapter. So not much happened. Would it be counted as a filler? I don't think so... I mean.. I moves the plot along.**

**Four more days till I have to start school! D8 Gah!! I'mma be a freshmen! Frightening! Actually, I'm not that afraid of being a freshmen per say. (I'm 5'11, and kind of full of it. So getting teased doesn't really sound all that bad. it actually sounds kind of fun. Some one to practice my verbal sparring with.) But new teachers and students! D: The high school is huge!! Gehhh. Oh, another thing I'm mad about, I didn't get in to honors english because I'm not good at math! (Long story short) Logic, where have you gone?**

**Now that I'm done complaining (thank god, right?) I just wanted to say that the light filtering through the marine layer is making everything look orange. It's super weird. It reminds me of how the smoke from the brush fires makes everything look green. California is a weird place all right.**

**I've decided to see how long I can end with saying the words 'review' and 'whore', because it seems to be becoming a pattern. **

**Your reviews are the pimps to my whore.**

**-Sasha**

**(Hmm, that one was almost too obscure. I'll have too think harder. Oh, and that makes 3 now)**


	4. Talk

_I think I've done it. I think they've left me alone for good. No one really talks to me anymore. My teacher's do sometimes, and my parents. But they're out of town right now, and the maids don't say much to me anymore. I think they're afraid. _

_It's okay, I'm fine. Maybe they understand that now. They realize that it's only Koharu and me now. That's how it should be. I won't lose her. I'm holding her close to me and I'm not letting go. _

_**~≈†≈~**_

Haruhi had finished reading all of Ayumu's recent entries, and now she found herself watching the olive skinned girl more intently. Before now, she had assumed that Ayumu's silence had just been intensity toward studying, but now she saw that it was just her going through the motions of a regular life. She didn't seem to be working her way towards anything. She was just… floating. Like she had said. Her descriptions of herself seemed scarily accurate, and Haruhi thought that if they were really going to do something, they should act quickly.

It seemed like Ayumu was losing herself.

It got Haruhi thinking though, was there anyone that Haruhi would leave herself behind for? Was there anyone who she felt that passionately about?

Hmm, one would wonder.

While Haruhi was reflecting, The Twins were getting agitated with how slowly the process of actually doing anything for Ayumu was going.

So, being the Twins, they decided to speed it up a bit.

The instant the end of school bell rang they seemed to manifest in front of Ayumu's desk. "Hey." They grinned.

She glanced up at them, and they tried to ignore the hollow look in her eyes. Hikaru grabbed the notebook from her hands. "You'll get this back if you come after the Host Club ends." They chorused, and then sped off to the third music room.

Ayumu didn't seem to react much. She just packed her bag and headed off to the library.

"_You guys."_ Haruhi though exasperatedly.

_**~≈†≈~**_

The Host Club had just finished herding the final girls from the clubroom when the doors creaked open again. Kyoya looked up, and spotted the girl hovering in the doorway.

"I'm sorry, but the club just ended. If you want to make an appointment, you'll have to come back again tomorrow."

"No." Ayumu said quietly. "I just came here to get something." She didn't look up, but Kyoya recognized her.

"Of course. Just please be quick about it Ishimaru-san."

She lowered her head a little more, as a sign of respect. Then moved past him to get to the Twins, who had been watching from afar.

She looked at them, not expectantly or harshly, just looking.

"Yes?"

She didn't say anything.

"Is there something you need Ayumu?" They were obviously trying to trick her in to talking.

It seemed to work… kind of. "My diary."

"What about it?"

"You took it."

Hikaru smirked and turned to his twin. "Did we, Kaoru? I can't remember that."

"Hmm, me neither. How odd. Are you sure you weren't just imagining things?" Kaoru provoked.

Nothing but silence again. Haruhi had a feeling that the Twin's aggressive tactics weren't going to work.

"Ayumu," She called "Come over here. They'll give it back eventually. Just ignore them."

Ayumu seemed to think that ignoring them seemed like a good idea, because she turned away from them and walked towards Haruhi instead, who sat down at a table. "Would you like some tea?" She offered, motioning Ayumu to sit down as well.

Ayumu nodded, and Haruhi went to retrieve the teapot. The Twins gave her a glare that translated in to 'stop meddling in to our plans, we almost had her'. Haruhi dutifully ignored them.

She came back with the teapot and two cups. "Milk or sugar?" Haruhi offered.

"Milk."

The tea was pored, and they both sipped in silence, Ayumu unaware of the fact that she was being vigorously watched by Tamaki, who was crouching behind a couch. Hikaru took out the diary from his pocket and twirled it in between his fingers.

Haruhi glared at him, but Ayumu was too busy staring at her tea to notice. Haruhi sighed, and looked back to her. "Koharu Senpai was your cousin right?" She asked. Straight, and to the point, that was Haruhi.

There was a flash of something in Ayumu's eyes. But it was gone too fast for Haruhi too catch what it was. It might have been pain.

"She came here sometimes." Haruhi continued, trying to see if she could conjure up the emotion she had seen again. "I didn't talk to her very often, but she seemed to be very kind. Why don't you ever visit the Host Club Ayumu?"

Ayumu's expression, much to Haruhi's disappointment, didn't change. "It didn't seem important."

"Not important?!" Tamaki exploded out from behind the couch. He attempted to vault over it, but his foot got caught, and he instead smashed his face against the floor. Trying to recover with bravado, he rolled into a cartwheel, and then jumped up. There was a brief silence, but it was quickly filled with peals of laughter from the Twins.

Ayumu smiled woodenly, but it looked wrong. It didn't meet her eyes. It seemed like it hadn't been used in a long time.

Tamaki gaped at her. "Cute!" He cried. "Your smile is so cute! Do it again! You should do it again!"

Ayumu struggled with the emotion Haruhi couldn't name and she stood up and took her notebook from a surprised Hikaru's hands. She walked to the door but turned around before she left. "I'm sorry." She inclined her head slightly, them shut the door.

_**~≈†≈~**_

_Cute. He called me cute. _She_ always called me cute. He can't replace her. He can't take her from me. I won't let him._

_I can feel the scream building in my throat. I can feel it strangling me. _

_Things are starting to get bright and fuzzy again. I'm at school, so I can't panic here. I'll just hide in a broom closet and bite my hand to keep myself from screaming too loud. I hope that no ones looking for me. I don't think they are. _

_I left too suddenly. I think they're going to get suspicious. They're going to ruin everything. _

_I can feel the blackness closing in. It's too bright and it's too dark. _

_I

* * *

_

**If you didn't get that, she started to have a panic attack before she could finish writing. if I could make the I trail along the page like he hand jerked away I would. But I can't. Silly fanfiction. **

**By the way, thank you to the reviewer who pointed out that the title was, 'Death and Dairy's'. Because of you, I realized, and changed it. Muchos appreciated Muchacha. No I don't know how to spell that. Put a sock in it, yeah?**

**I've been updating this almost daily. Which is super impressive for me. I probably won't be able to update as often now though. T.T  
**

**I feel bad for Ayumu, the crazies are moving in on her. I hope you can tell.**

**Oh, and I hope my competition with myself isn't freaking you guys out. I just want to have a little fun while encouraging you guys to review at the same time is all. **

**Speaking of...  
**

**Every time you review, a whore escapes from her pimp.**

**-OMGsickels**

**(Like, every time a bell rings an angel gets it's wings? Oh, and special thanks to kajoo for that one. So in return, lets all pray for her internet, which is currently broken. So sad. Build a bridge.)**_  
_


	5. Panic

**Sorry for not updating. Heh. Once I stop It's hard for me to start again. **

* * *

The next day Ayumu returned to school like nothing had ever happened. Haruhi, when she was not concentrating on her schoolwork, watched for some sort of change in her, but hadn't found one yet.

Still, that afternoon, when she set out to find Ayumu in the library like she always was, she felt confident that she had broken through some sort of barrier that Ayumu had set up, and Haruhi was positive that she could find that chink in Ayumu's armor again.

Haruhi found Ayumu mindlessly pursuing the travel section. "Do you like travel guides?" She asked when Ayumu picked one up.

Ayumu shook her head, and quickly set "Tour of Indonesia" back on the shelf.

Haruhi fidgeted, unsettled by lithe girl and her odd, twitchy behavior. "I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I know those guys can be a bit rough sometimes and I thought maybe you would want to come over for some tea after club was over. As an apology." She added again.

Ayumu nodded and hurried in the opposite direction very quickly.

Haruhi sighed, "Well that went well."

~≈†≈~

There was a small rap on the 3rd music rooms door, and in a typical Tamaki type fashion, Tamaki waltzed over to the door to retrieve the visitor.

"Sooooorry! The club is closed for the day, princess, but I'm sure that if you talk to Kyoya he'd be happy to schedule you in- Oh. Hello Ayumu-chan. It's good to see you again. Why are you here?"

"Haruhi." She murmured.

Tamaki blinked. "Okay then." He turned away from her. "Haruuuhi, you have a visitor."

Haruhi looked up from the plate of dishes she was cleaning up, and smiled when she saw Ayumu hovering in the doorway. "Just wait a second Ayumu, I'm almost done. Take a seat."

Ayumu sat at a table near to the door, and Haruhi wondered if it was so that she could escape quickly should the chance reveal itself.

"Here you go." Haruhi sat two cups of tea on the table and then sat herself. "I'm glad you came." She said.

"I came because you told me too, Haruhi."

"Well, you know, you didn't really have to come if you didn't want to, I didn't mean to force you in to anything."

Ayumu traced the rim of her cup but didn't move to drink from it. "I don't know why this is really necessary." She said suddenly.

Haruhi frowned. "What do you mean?"

Ayumu swallowed. "Well, just that if this is sympathy it's not needed. You don't need to feel bad for me. I don't know why you people don't just leave me alone. I'm fine by myself. I'm totally fine." She looked up to meet Haruhi's eye, and her voice jumped up a view octaves desperately. "I wish you would just leave me alone! Why is everyone always trying to get inside my head? You, the teachers, my parents, everyone! Just leave me alone! Just-!" She stood up suddenly.

The rest of the Host Club stared at her in alarm.

"I'm tired of this!" She yelled. "I'm just so tired of this! I'm fine! I'm fine! I'm fine can't you see? Can't you see that I'm fine?" She crossed her hands very tightly across her chest as I to keep herself from falling apart. She looked at the floor. "I'm fine. I'm fine! I'm. _Fine_!"

"If you're so fine, then why do you sound like your trying so hard to convince yourself." Haruhi said quietly.

"I'm-"

Ayumu's vision started to become bright and blurry again.

"I'm-"

Her chest started to constrict. She knew that she needed to get out of there soon, or else she would have a panic attack right there. Right there with all those people looking at her….

"I'm sorry! I-!"

She dashed from the room.

* * *

**And so, the story reaches it's dramatic conclusion!**

**I wish you could read that the same way that I said it, but I guess you'll just have to imagine it. :]**

**'Kay this ones short, but we're going to have a longer one next time right?! YEAH!**

**Oh no. I'm pulling a Ayumu.**

**Um, something, something, whore, something, something, REVIEW!**

**YEAAAAH.**

**-OhMyGoshsickels**


	6. Closure

Tup Tup Tup Tup.

The school uniforms shoes made a lovely sound as they hit the marble floors. But to Ayumu it seemed strangely loud as she ran from the Third Music room.

She tried to get a good grip on her thoughts. Or at least find a place where she could.

The Art room, she thought suddenly, there had been an announcement over the PA system earlier reminding the fourth period art students to meet the teacher at the classroom before leaving on their field trip to the museum. Meaning that they still wouldn't be back and that the room would be empty. Also, the room was close to where she was.

Ayumu made a hard right and half ran, half jumped, down a flight of stairs. In the back of her mind she thought she heard someone with a high-pitched voice yelling her name, but she was too focused on finding somewhere where she could fall apart first. Only thinking one independent thought at a time.

By the time she had found the art room she had a built up such speed that when she burst through the door she had no way of stopping herself, and ran into a stack of canvases that had been propped up to dry.

She lay there, among the canvases, staring at a dark green smudges she had created on her sleeve, and waited for her mind to shut down.

And waited.

…And waited.

Her mind buzzed.

She started to panic; surely she wouldn't have to go through this awake? It never happened like this. The colors and words danced and blurred before her eyes but didn't fade.

There was a large pressure behind her eyes and in her head.

Suddenly everything sharpened and there was a wave of noise.

"_Puzzles."_ A crooning voice said.

"No." Ayumu groaned.

"_Your coming with me Puzzles."_

Ayumu slipped her hands through her hair, trying to hold her head together. Losing her mind maybe.

"_Because you have to have long hair, and I have to have short hair. That's why you can't cut it, okay?" "Yeah, okay."_

"_We're like Puzzle pieces, right? Hey! That's a cute idea! I'll call you Puzzles!" _

Meaningless pieces of information slipped through Ayumu's mind.

Out her eyes.

Through her fingers.

And hit the floor. Tap, tap, tap.

"_Wow Koharu your hand's are so soft!" "Nuh-uh! Yours are way softer! Do you use lotion?" _

"_You're too silly!" "Gah! Stop tickling me!"_

A whisper. Just before bedtime. Her mother thought that they were sleeping.

"_Do you think of death Koharu?"_

"No!" Ayumu screamed. "Stop! Just turn off!" She beat her fist against the floor.

It smeared red paint.

"_Yeah."_

"I want to die! Just let me stop thinking! Please!"

"_How do you want to die?"_

"Just stop! Stop!"

"_Don't worry, Ayumu. It doesn't matter as long as we die together right?"_

"Why can't I control my own damn mind? Damn it!"

"_Yeah. It would be scary to die alone."_

"Was it scary to die alone?" Ayumu whispered. "Damn it."

"_I love you Koharu."_

Taptaptaptaptap.

Tears.

Memories.

They smear a painting of a girl kneeling by a boat. The yellow of the sail runs into the water.

"Oh God. Oh God. She's dead."

"_I love you too, Ayumu."_

"I love you."

"_I love you."_

"She's dead. She's dead, oh God. She's not coming back."

"I miss you."

"She's never coming back!"

"I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry! I'm- God."

"She's not coming back. I miss her. I miss her! She's dead. It's okay. I miss her."

At some point Ayumu was lifted up and settled on someone's back.

She clung to the stranger's neck and sobbed.

Eventually her mind cleared, and she stared at the neck of the man carrying her.

"You can put me down Morinozuka-Sempai."

Silence.

"I'm really okay now. Really."

Mori stopped, and allowed Ayumu to slip off his back. She looked around; they were in the middle of one of Ourans hallways, and nearing the first floor. By the direction they were going, Ayumu guessed that they had been en route too the nurses office.

She wiped her eyes, then felt a tug on her hand. Hunny laced his fingers with hers. He frowned up at her.

Ayumu blinked, but didn't move away. "I'm sorry. But… maybe this was closure? Or something. I mean. I haven't really let myself cry, and, well. " Ayumu looked away.

"She's dead. I guess I just have to come to terms with that. Okay?"

She smiled a broken smile. But at least it was real, Hunny thought as she knelt to his eye level. "Thank you. And Koharu was right, you're just like a little lamb."

She stood and turned to Mori. "Thank you Morinozuka-Sempai, for carrying me all this way, but I think I'm going home now." She sighed. "Yeah, I think home would be good."

She turned, clasped her hands, and walked away.

Tup. Tup. Tup.

Her shoes made such a pretty sound as they hit the marble floor.

"Do you think she'll be alright?" Hunny asked curiously, watching the slender girl's back.

"Yeah." Mori intoned.

She would definitely be fine.

* * *

**D: Late Update. I know that it seems a little rushed and that because this is late you might be assuming that I just changed the ending to end the story quicker. But that's where you would be wrong! It was always going to end this way! But in my mind it was written better. T.T Anyway. Eh hem. **

**I might be freaking some of you out with the continuous use of the words "The end" This isn't really the end because that would be a shoddy ending. So there's going to be an epilouge that's going to tie up all the use ends and end this story with a bang!**

**BANG!**

**Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this penultamit chapter. Or however it's spelled.... Bugger off.**

**My creative wiring is jammed so this is what your going to get for my "whore saying".**

**Your a whore but your reviews are appreciated anyway. Yes I will tip extra for that.**

**Deal with it yo.**

**Wickka out Brotha'**

**-Sasha**


	7. Epilouge

Neither Hunny nor Mori explained much to the Host Club when they returned to the music room later that day. Only saying that they had found Ayumu and she had decided too go home. And the Host Club, were perfectly satisfied with that answer.

However the next day, Ayumu returned too the Host Club, for once at a time when they were officially open, and tentatively requested to sit with Hunny and Mori.

Kyoya, though he didn't show it, was a bit surprised, but after she paid the fee, let her in anyway.

"Oh! Hi Ayumu-chan!" Hunny called, and waived at her from across the room enthusiastically.

She scooted toward them, half angled at the door and half pointed too the couch they were sitting on. Clearly thinking, "Do I stay or do I go?"

Whatever she had planned to come and do won out on her conscience, because she managed to drag herself over and plop down in the chair opposite of them. She folded her hand over and over again in her lap nervously.

"You cut your hair!" Hunny squealed.

Ayumu fingered the shortness of it. Her dark hair now hung just below her chin. "Yeah, Koharu always insisted I keep it long, so... yeah. I wanted to cut it myself but I think my Mother would have killed me."

She paused, and both Mori and Hunny waited.

"I came here to ask you something." She admitted.

"Like what?" Hunny chirped.

"Um, well I came to make good on what you asked me before." Ayumu looked up to see Mori watching her, and gulped a little. Embarrassed suddenly. "What I meant was, that you once asked me if I wanted to join you in honoring Koharu's memory. And I… uh… I was just wondering if you wanted to come and visit the family grave tomorrow with me. Not that you have too or anything!" She added desperately. "I don't know if that would be weird or not."

After the smallest of silences Hunny said, "Of course we'll go! Right Takashi?"

"Right."

"Okay," Ayumu smiled a bit with relief. "If you could just meet me there at 11 o'clock that would be fine. I'll call you and tell you the directions later, if that's fine."

"That's fine!"

And so it was set, they would visit Koharu and pay their respects.

**~≈†≈~**

Haruhi yawned as she walked through the Host Clubs doors. Only too find the Twin's and Tamaki staring at an envelope intently.

"What is that?" She asked as she set her bag down.

"It's just addressed, To the Host Club." Tamaki stressed.

"We think it might be a letter of challenge!" The Twins flapped it in her face. "But Milord won't let us open it! He say's that we can't open it until the rest of the club gets here!"

Haruhi snatched the letter out their hands and inspected it. "This is clearly girls handwriting. What club would want to challenge you?"

Tamaki gasped, "Maybe it's the Zuka Club!"

"Your kidding right?" Haruhi deadpanned.

"What would the Zuka club want to do with us? Haruhi clearly won't join them."

Haruhi jumped. "How do you always sneak up behind me Kyoya?"

"Maybe you should just pay more attention Haruhi."

She sighed.

"Haha! You looked so funny when you jumped Haru-chan!"

"Oh, hello Hunny. Mori."

"Well we're all here now, so are you going to open the letter or not?" The Twins asked impatiently.

Tamaki carefully slit open the top of the envelope and then jumped back a couple feet, as if the letter were going to explode.

It didn't, but two pieces of paper fell to the ground.

Kaoru picked it up and began to read, Hikaru, hovering over his shoulder.

"_Dear Host Club,_

"_I have no doubts that my handwriting looks familiar by now. And for old time's sake I'll be writing on this paper that probably looks familiar to you too, because these pages have been ripped from my diary._

"_Yes, sometime between my last entry and now I was in the library and saw you take my diary, photocopy it and place it back. It really explained a lot, or at least why you continued to invite me to your clubroom. _

"_But because you read my diary I thought that I should write you this letter to tell you that I really am recovering. I've come to terms with Ayumu's death and I'm working on getting over it._

"_Also, I should probably tell you that I'm moving. My parents don't know about my "recovery" and both them and my psychiatrist believe it will be beneficial to me too move somewhere where memories of Koharu are not associated._

"_I also wanted to thank you, it's mainly to your doing that I have improved. There is probably more I could say, but I don't think I will. This is the last diary entry you'll get._

"_As my name goes, I'll continue too walk. I know that this is how I'll get through._

"_Sincerely,_

_Ayumu Ishimaru."_

_

* * *

_**I thought it would be nice to end**** it with Kaoru reading the letter, just like it started with Kaoru reading the diary. Did anyone else catch that? or was it just me? Lol.**

**So this is officially the end. I hope that you guys enjoyed the story. Does it seem weird to end it here? I feel as if it were summed up too fast. Oh well, can't do anything about it now. And now I can stop worrying about it! YUS! lol.**

**Origanally the scene where they went to Koharu's grave was shown. But I realized that it didn't really get much done, so I cut it out. Ah... so really the scene where she invited them wasn't necassary either. But I wanted to show that she cut her hair... IT WAS SUPOSSED TO BE MEANINGFUL! Ahhh, fail.**

**So this was my Valentines Day present to the good people of fanfiction. I hope you can find someone to spend it with. For example, I'm going to a Anti-Valentines Day party that my friends having. :D**

**OH! I ALMOST FORGOT! I drew this a while ago and meant to put it up, but here it is now! **

http:// ohmygoshsickels(dot)deviant art(dot)com/art /Death-and-Diary-s-135921885

**Just remove the spaces and replace the dots. :] (deviantart should be one word)  
**

**Even though I realized later that I made Ayumu's eye's the wrong color T.T**

**OKAY so this is your last chance too EVER REVIEW ON THIS STORY!**

**SO PLEASE REVIEW! A THOUSAND TIMES PLEASE!**

**Oh, and to finish our tradition of with a bang. **

**On Valentines Day, it's not being a whore, it's "celebrating".**

**-OhMyGoshsickels  
**


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